The Serial Booper
by Demonic Irken
Summary: Just a silly story I wrote in early 2017.
1. Chapter 1

Anakin came running into the Jedi Temple excitedly. "Obi-Wan! Guess what?"

"What?" Asked Obi-Wan curiously.

Anakin walked up to him. Reaching out with his hand, he touched Obi-wan's nose. "Boop!" He said, giggling and running off.

Obi-Wan sighed, shaking his head. Meanwhile, Anakin was busy calling his secret wife. "Padme! I have something very important to tell you! Can you come over?"

"Okay Ani, I'll be over in about half an hour." Padme said tiredly. Anakin waited impatiently.

When Padme finally arrived, he rushed over to her. "Okay Anakin, I'm here. What did you want to tell me?"

Anakin smirked. "Come closer" Padme leaned in closer.

"Yes Anakin?"

"BOOP!" Yelled Anakin, touching his wife's nose.

Padme sighed angrily. "I came all the way over here for THAT?!"

Anakin laughed. "YES!" He shouted happily. Padme left the Temple angrily. Anakin ran around the Temple, booping everyone he saw. Everyone started to get annoyed with Anakin. They decided to do something about it.


	2. Chapter 2

The Council summoned Anakin for a discussion on what to do about his booping problem. "You summoned me, Masters?" Asked Anakin as he entered. Mace Windu got up from his chair and stood before Anakin. "Yes. We called you here to talk about your... situation."

Anakin looked at him curiously. "Whatever do you mean?" He asked as he reached up to boop Mace's nose "Boop!" Said Anakin.

Mace swatted his hand away angrily. "Get that out of my face! That right there is what I'm talking about!"

Anakin sighed. "Masters, you're overreacting. I don't have a problem. It's just fun to boop people on the nose."

Jedi Council Member Plo Koon spoke up next. "Yes, well, at any rate, we'd like you to stop, please. It's deeply irritating."

Anakin pouted, but did as he was asked. "As you wish, Masters." As he exited the Chambers, his Padawan Ahsoka ran up to him. "So, how'd it go, Master?" She asked.

"Horribly," grumbled Anakin, still pouting.

"What's wrong?"

Anakin turned away from her. "The Council said I couldn't boop people's noses anymore. They said I was being a weirdo and annoying."

Ahsoka laughed lightly. "Well, to be honest, it kinda is. It's also immature."

"I AM NOT IMMATUUUUURRREEEE!" Anakin yelled, stomping his foot.

Ahsoka covered her ears. "Ok, sorry, Master!" She said.

Anakin stopped throwing his fit. He smiled sneakily "Hey, Ahsoka, guess what?"

"What?" Asked Ahsoka.

Anakin pointed. "Ahsoka, look! Over there!"

Ahsoka looked. "What is it, Master?"

Anakin reached up. "Boop!" He said, touching Ahsoka's nose.

Ahsoka glared at him. "Master, remember what the Council told you?" She said warningly.

Anakin laughed "Forget the Council! I'm not gonna listen to them! I never do, anyway!" He ran away.

Ahsoka sighed. I guess I'll have to tell the Council again. She thought as she went inside the Chambers. Anakin was in BIG trouble now...


	3. Chapter 3

Meanwhile, Anakin was preparing to fly to Grievous' personal flagship, The Invisible Hand, in order to engage Count Dooku in a lightsaber duel. As he boarded the ship, Anakin confidently strode toward the command room, where Dooku was.

"Skywalker." Said Dooku with a sneer on his face. "Come to surrender?"

Anakin shook his head. "No, Count. I came to fight you."

Dooku ignited his lightsaber. "Prepare to die, Jedi."

Anakin ignited his lightsaber as well. "I don't think so. My booping powers have doubled since we last met, Count."

Dooku looked at him, confused. "What are you talking about?"

Anakin smiled. "You'll soon find out." And lunged.

Their lightsabers clashed as Anakin attempted to get close enough to boop Dooku on the nose. Anakin eventually overpowered Dooku, cutting off his hands.

Chancellor Palpatine laughed sadistically. "Do it, Anakin. Boop him now."

Dooku was still confused. "Excuse me? What is this 'booping' you are talking about?"

Anakin reached forward and did it. "Boop!" he said.

Dooku looked up at him. "What the heck was that? Is that why you wanted to fight in the first place?"

Anakin glared at him. "Indeed it was. Now I have to take you prisoner." Anakin helped Dooku to his feet and contacted Obi-Wan. A few minutes later, they were aboard Obi-Wan's ship and headed toward a Republic frigate. This was truly a victorious day for the Republic.


	4. Chapter 4

Dooku sat in his cell, wondering how Anakin could have possibly beaten him. It must have been because he 'booped' me, or whatever the youngsters say these days. He thought grimly. Dooku was in his eighties, not as young as he used to be.

He slowly withdrew from his thoughts when he heard the cell door open. He glanced over and saw two Jedi, Masters Mace Windu and his old master, Yoda. Dooku made a silly face.

Yoda looked at him. "Being a goofball, why are you, Count?"

Dooku shrugged. "I dunno. Thought it would lighten the mood, I guess."

Mace walked up to him. "We don't have the time for games, Count. Tell us what we want to know about your next evil plan."

Dooku was confused. "What plan? I don't know what you mean."

Yoda sighed. "Very well. The hard way, we will do this."

Dooku laughed. "Ha ha ha ha!" Unfortunately, he laughed so hard he snorted. There was silence in the room for a few seconds.

Mace broke the tension. "Okayyyyy. Anyway, time to get down to business." He walked closer to the Count and lifted his arm.

Dooku backed away. "Get your gross Jedi germs away from me! You probably didn't even wash your hands!"

Mace was offended. "Oh YEAH? Well, Shut up!" He said.

Yoda spoke up. "Perhaps another more experienced Jedi, should we use?"

Mace nodded. "Yes. I think that would be best. Until next time, Count." Mace booped Dooku's nose as he left.

The Sith Lord's girly screams could be heard all around the ship. "EW, Ew Ewwww! GROSS! SOMEBODY GET ME A WET WIPE!"

Mace smiled, pleased that his plan had worked.

He walked to his quarters and closed the door behind him. He began dancing. "Oh yeah, do the Windu!" He began shaking his booty.

Ahsoka walked in on him. She backed out of the room slowly. "Sorry to interrupt, uh, whatever it is your doing, but would you like some gum?" She held out a piece.

Mace smiled gratefully. He took it. "Yes. Thank you, Ahsoka."

Ahsoka looked around. "You're welcome, Master Windu, but have you seen Anakin anywhere?"

Mace's smile turned into a frown. "No, I haven't. I haven't seen him since he brought Dooku in. I've been meaning to congratulate him for his capture."

Ahsoka's face fell. "Okay. Thank you, Master." She left. Popping the gum in his mouth, Mace went to Anakin's chambers to check on him.


	5. The Babysitter

Dooku sat in a building that Palpatine had provided for him, telling him to stay there and wait for someone. I wonder who it could be thought Dooku eagerly. He hoped it was a Jedi so he could kill them. He heard a knock at the door. He got up and opened it.

A woman was standing there, smiling. "Hello there!"

Dooku furrowed his brow, confused. He noticed her nose looked extremely Boopalicious. He wanted to boop her nose this very second, but he decided to wait until later to do that. "Who are you?" He responded slowly.

The woman laughed. "My name is Margaret. I'm your new babysitter."

Dooku stared at her. "I don't need a babysitter. I'm a grown man, for Bantha's sake!"

Margaret laughed again. "Oh, Dooku, you're so funny!"

He was taken aback. "How do you know my name?"

"Oh, Chancellor Palpatine hired me. He told me so many things about you, like how evil you are." Palpatine had also told her about his Apprentice's other issues, but she wasn't going to tell that to the Count. "He just wanted to make sure that you have everything under control, so he hired me to help you out. Think of me as your personal assistant!"

Dooku started to close the door on her. "Thanks, but I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

Margaret held up a sack. "I brought cookies!" She said in a sing-song voice.

He opened the door slightly. "Cookies, you say? What kind of cookies?"

Margaret smiled. "Chocolate chip! Palpatine said it was your favorite kind."

Dooku opened the door fully. "Come on in!"

Margaret walked into the building. Dooku made a grab for the cookies, but missed. I must have those cookies! He thought.

Margaret examined the infrastructure. "My, what a beautiful place this is!"

Dooku shrugged. "Eh, it's okay, I guess. Can I have those cookies?"

Margaret waved her finger in his face. "Not until after dinner!"

Dooku looked at the clock. "But it's only 2:30! I want my cookies NOOOW!"

Margaret put the sweets up where he couldn't reach them. "Well, I guess we'll just have to wait then, won't we?"

Dooku pouted. "You're mean! Do you know who I am?! I'm Darth Tyranus! I don't have to listen to you!"

Margaret held up a hand for silence. When Dooku was quiet, she continued, "The Chancellor said you might act like this, so perhaps you'd like to Watch TV or maybe do a similar activity to make the time go by faster?"

Dooku sighed, defeated. "Okay, fine." He muttered.

Margaret clappped her hands excitedly. "Excellent!" She went out to her vehicle for a moment and came back with some board games. Holding them up for him, she told him to pick one. He picked Monopoly.

After about an hour of playing, and of Dooku getting angry and breaking things whenever Margaret took one of his properties, she decided to play a different game, one that wasn't so stressful to him. He picked Twister. They spent a few hours laughing and getting to know each other better while playing the game.

At around 6:00, they decided to have dinner. Margaret had brought a tuna sandwich. The Count had looked in the fridge and had picked Pizza. When he was about to start eating, Margaret stopped him. "Dooku, what's wrong with this picture?" She said, looking down at his plate.

The Sith Lord looked up at her, confused. "Um, I don't know. What?"

She pointed at his plate. "I don't see any vegetables. You should always eat veggies with your food."

Dooku set down his pizza and stood up. "Are you crazy? I hate vegetables! I haven't eaten them since I was a child!"

Margaret was shocked. "The Jedi never made you eat vegetables?! How DARE they!" She dug around in her purse. "I think I have some in here somewhere…"

Dooku grabbed her arm to stop her. "Uh, that's not necessary! And how did you know I used to be a Jedi? I never told you that! No one is supposed to know that!"

Margaret politely pulled away from Dooku's grasp. "Palpatine told me."

Dooku began to feel angry. What else did he tell her? His whole life story? He was going to have to talk to him about this little issue sometime. He cleared his throat. He sat down to continue eating his dinner.

After he was done, he eyed his cookies excitedly. He went to get them, but was prevented from doing so by his companion. "What now?" He growled.

"You didn't ask to be excused." She said.

Releasing a sigh, he trudged back to his seat. "May I please be excused?"

Margaret nodded. "Yes, you may."

Jumping up out of his seat, he pointed to the treats."May I have my cookies now?"

Margaret retrieved them. "Yes, but only one." Dooku stomped his foot. "Noooo! I want three!"

The babysitter started to put the cookies back up. "One, or none at all. What's it gonna be, Dooku?"

The Count sighed. "Fine. One, I guess." Dooku took one cookie out of the bag. He ate it super slowly so it would last longer. An hour later, he was still eating his cookie. He was nibbling on it like a mouse. When he finally finished it, he went to find Margaret, who was watching the HoloNet.

She smiled at him. "Finished with your cookie?"

He nodded. "Yup!"

The Count was shocked when his new 'friend' rolled her eyes. "Finally." She muttered under her breath, hoping Dooku didn't hear. But he did hear. He jumped up and pointed a finger at her. "I heard that!" He yelled angrily.

Margaret feigned innocence. "Heard what?"

Dooku was getting really angry now. He began Force Choking her, lifting her up into the air. She gasped for breath as Dooku started ranting. "First, you bribe me with cookies, and then you have the nerve to deny me my cookies that I so desperately wanted, then you try and force me to eat VEGETABLES!? What is wrong with you, woman?! And also…" He pulled her forward with The Force and booped her nose. "Boop! Sorry, but I've wanted to do that since you got here."

Margaret's eyes were popping out of her head now, and her face was turning blue. "You know what?" Dooku decided. "I think you're fired." He flung her out of the nearest window. Grumbling to himself, he contacted his Master.

"What is it, Lord Tyranus?"

Dooku bowed. "Master, why did you get me a babysitter?"

Palpatine sighed. "I did it to make sure you didn't poop your pants again." He mumbled.

Dooku rose from his kneeling position. "She tried to make me eat vegetables! Can you believe that?! Those things are nasty! Then, she thought she could boss me around! Oh, that witch! She was so evil! Good thing I killed her."

Palpatine was surprised. "You killed her? I didn't think you would do that!" He smiled "I'm proud of you!"

Dooku was taken aback. "You… You're proud of me? I thought you would be angry!"

Palpatine shook his head. "Why would I be angry? She was costing me a fortune. Also, she was kind of a witch. I sent her to you as a test of sorts, to see if you were still capable of being a cold-blooded, remorseless bringer of destruction and death. And you are!" Dooku was still a little confused.

"Okay, thank you, Master." He ended the call. Walking back into the room where he had killed Margaret, he spotted the bag of cookies lying on the ground. He picked them up and begin to eat them all. There were eight total cookies. "Try to tell me that I can only have one cookie. No one tells Count Dooku what to do!" He muttered to himself.

After he had finished the cookies, he decided to go for a walk in order to find the perfect place to dump Margaret's body. He eventually find one by the pond, a few blocks from his dwellings.

After he did that, he asked his Master if he could go back to his home on Serenno.

Palpatine denied his request, and instructed him to remain where he was for a few more weeks, as the Jedi were still searching for him. He decided he'd better get comfortable. It was gonna be a long wait.


	6. The Final Chapter

Anakin was bored. He was attending a Council meeting so that they could discuss their next move to re-capture Count Dooku. He had only came because Attendence had been mandatory for all Council members. He began to feel drowsy. His eyes began to close, and in no time he was snoring away.

Master Windu noticed this, and snapped his fingers loudly in front of Anakin's face, attempting to wake him. Mace was surprised and a little frightened when Anakin lunged forward and grabbed his fingers, shoving them into his mouth.

The Jedi Master squealed like a little girl and yanked his fingers away, backing up slightly to put some space between the two of them. Anakin awoke suddenly and yawned. He looked around the room, noticing all eyes were on him. "What's going on, Masters?"

Mace pointed at him accusingly. "You tried to eat my fingers!"

Anakin pretended to be confused. "I did no such thing!"

"Yes, you did!" Mace insisted.

Anakin smiled and winked at him slyly.

Mace growled, his frustration building. "STOP WINKING AT ME!"

Anakin shrugged. "I don't know what you're talking about, Master." He replied, playing dumb.

Mace grunted in pure frustration and reached up to pull at his hair, but then he remembered that he was a baldy. Gesturing to the closest Jedi, he instructed them to step forward. He yanked out some of they're hair since he didn't have any himself.

Placing the hair atop his own head, he smiled, excited at his new look. "Yay, I finally have hair!" Mace began doing The Windu to celebrate, booty shaking included. It had been one of his lifelong dreams to have hair.

His fellow Council members decided that they had seen enough of this display of stupidity. Master Yoda was the first to call him out. "Master Windu, enough of this, we have seen!" Mace stopped dancing. Suddenly aware of all the attention he was receiving, he cleared his throat, embarrassed.

"Of course, Master. My apologies." He shuffled back to his seat as he brushed the hair off of his head, his cheeks beginning to turn red from embarrassment.

As he sat back down, the meeting started to return to normalcy, or close to it, at least.

After the meeting was over, Anakin sighed, relieved.

Dooku had been spotted nearby, not far from the Jedi Temple. The Council had cautiously assumed he would be guarded by battle droid troops, so they had assigned Anakin himself to lead this assault, along with a few clone troopers to back the Jedi up, should they encounter trouble.

Anakin had been glad to be assigned to the front lines again, as he had been itching for a battle.

As he and his troops readied themselves, he thought about what Dooku would do once they finally confronted him. He hoped that the Count surrendered peacefully, without conflict.

Anakin didn't want to do something he'd regret.

A few minutes later, they arrived at the Sith Lord's hiding place. Commander Cody approached Anakin as they got off their speeder bikes. "Sir, what should we do now?"

Anakin knew what to try first. "Let's be civil first, but if that doesn't work, we use force."

Cody nodded. "Understood, Sir." He signaled the troopers under his command to split up and surround the building. Anakin approached the front door and knocked. A few seconds later, the door opened.

Dooku stood there. When he saw him, he sighed. Why didn't I install a peephole? He thought sadly.

Anakin ignited his lightsaber and pointed it at the Count. "Dooku, you are under arrest."

The Sith Lord happened to be holding a bowl of potato salad that he had been making for dinner that evening.

Count Dooku glanced from Anakin to the bowl of potato salad for a few seconds, and finally decided to throw it at the Jedi. The salad hit Anakin in the face, startling him. Dooku took this opportunity to make a run for it.

Anakin scraped some of the salad off his face and tasted it. "Mmmm, this salad is really good. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes. Count Dooku, you are under-" He looked around. Dooku was gone. "Blast!" I have to pay better attention in the future! He thought angrily. "CODY!" He yelled.

The clone ran up to him almost immediately. "Yes, sir?"

"Ready your men! We're going in!" The clone saluted and started to turn back, but stopped when he saw the salad dripping from Anakin's face.

Trying hard not to burst out laughing, Cody said, "Um, sir, you have a little-"

Anakin held up a hand. "Don't say it. I know. Just do as you're told." Cody walked away. Anakin cleaned off his face.

A few minutes later, Cody returned. "Sir, all of our troops are dead! I was the sole survivor."

Anakin was confused. "Really? How'd that happen?"

Cody looked away. "We made the mistake of surrounding him, sir. He used the Force and pushed most of us off of a cliff. I almost died, myself. I caught the edge of the cliff as I fell, and climbed back to the top with the aid of my grappling gun."

Cody looked back at his Jedi commander. "I'm afraid we may have failed, sir. Should we abort the mission?"

"No. Stay on target. We may not get another chance to capture Dooku." Replied Anakin.

Cody nodded. "Alright. What should we do now?" Anakin sighed. "I don't know, Cody. Let's just use what we have." Cody nodded and counted his things. "I've got 3 grenades, 2 droid poppers, and 1 thermal detonator. You?"

Anakin held up his lightsaber. "I've got this. Let's move." They entered the hideout. He noticed there was an empty bag on the floor. He picked it up and sniffed it. "Cookies. Chocolate chip. I bet they were delicious."

Continuing deeper into the building, Cody admired the beauty of it. This must have cost a lot of credits. He thought, amazed. They entered the kitchen. There was a plate of unfinished vegetables on the table. VEGETABLES ARE DISGUSTING! was carved into the table next to the plate. Anakin rolled his eyes at it.

What a baby! he thought, shaking his head. He heard scuffles coming from the adjacent room. Entering, he discovered Cody on the ground, Dooku standing over him. As he watched, Dooku began shocking Cody with Force Lightning.

The clone's screams of agony snapped Anakin out of his trance, and he sprung into action. He silently approached them, until he stood directly behind the Count. Dooku was so absorbed in torturing Cody that he failed to sense Anakin. Re-igniting his lightsaber, the Jedi impaled his enemy from behind.

Dooku gasped as he stared in shock at the weapon protruding from his chest. Anakin yanked the lightsaber free, and Dooku hit the ground, dead.

Anakin helped Cody to his feet. "Are you alright, Cody?" He asked, a little worried for his friend.

Cody shrugged it off. "I'm fine, sir." They turned to leave, but Anakin stopped. "Hold on a second. I need to do something."

He walked over to Dooku's body and bent down. Stretching out his arm, he touched the now former Sith Lord's nose, "Boop!" He said, smiling. Walking back over to Cody, he put his arm around him. "Our work here is done. Our mission is complete. Good job, Cody."

The clone blushed a bit under his helmet. "Thank you, sir. Same to you."

Upon returning to the Jedi Temple, Anakin and Cody were met with open arms and warm congratulations. Mace was most impressed. They decided to let Anakin have an official seat on the Jedi Council, his seat up until now having only been temporary.

The war was almost over. Peace would soon be restored to the galaxy once more.


End file.
